this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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