awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
