please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
