I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
