I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
