I am puke
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
