just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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