dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
