So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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