I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
