My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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