yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
