i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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