We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
