I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He did a backflip because drugs
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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