i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
