You can't motorboat a personality
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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