I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
