Betty ford says i'm here all night
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
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When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
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He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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