i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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