yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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