I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
