make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
