I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
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We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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