i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
