Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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