The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
