About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
