oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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