A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
