he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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