Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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