hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Someone signed my nipple.
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