woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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