I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
