Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This is my gift to your gina
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
