so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
