the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
