I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
