i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
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She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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