I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize