I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
