Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize