Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
