Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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