Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Randomize
