She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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