literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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