she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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