i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
