Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
