The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
