Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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