my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
