Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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