I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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