I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
