You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
