just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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