So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
