I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
