The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
