FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
