i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
