Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
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After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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