My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
