I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
