The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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