your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
