just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
