she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
