i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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