I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
