I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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