Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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