He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
