don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
