last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's shark week go big or go home
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
