bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
