..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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