So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
