we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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