i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
