let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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