Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
