Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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