Whod you bang
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
