why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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